The Adventures of Kends Possible
by brauer83
Summary: This is my first parody story of Kim Possible.
1. Prologue

Kendall Perkins as Kends "Kendall" Possible

Kick Buttowski as Kick "Clarence" Stoppable

Brad Buttowski as Dr. Brakken

Selena as Seleego

Gunther Magnuson as Gwade

Julie Trenton as Julique

Gordon Gibble as Monkey Twist

Ronaldo as Ruff Killigan

Gwen Axle as Yori

Kends and Kick were sneaking into their arch-nemesis Dr. Brakken's laboratory, when suddenly Kick got his pants stuck in the barb wire surrounding Brakken's castle.

Kick: Biscuits, not again! Kends, a little help?

Kends: Not now, Kick! Keep quiet, you're gonna attract the guards!

Kick tried to pull his pants loose from the wire. After a while, he finally succeeded but then, one of Brakken's guards noticed them. Just as the guard started chasing them, Kends' kemmunicator buzzed.

Kends: Bad timing, Gwade. What's up?

Gwade: I forgot to tell you that I've installed a new programme to your kemmunicator. Just point the edge of it at someone, press the button and the victim will disappear!

Kends pointed the edge of the kemmunicator at the guard and pressed the button. The guard magically disappeared out of thin air.

Kends: What the-? Where did he go?

Gwade: Never mind that! You better hurry, I sense Dr. Brakken and Selego coming your way!

Right then, Kends felt someone standing behind her. Kends and Kick turned around, just to see their arch-nemesis Dr. Brakken and his assistant Selego standing in front of them.

Kends: That was fast. I almost expected some sort of intruder alarm or something.

Brakken: Well, actually, the alarm has been broken for about a week now but don't worry, we're supposed to have it fixed any day now. In the meantime, why don't you and your sidekick get in touch with my assistant. (To Selego) Selego, you know what to do!

Selego: My pleasure, Dr. B! By the way, we don't need an intruder alarm, your lab door has a secret combination lock.

Brakken: Ahh! But what if they'd come in through the window?

Selego pulled out a remote control and pressed the red X button on it. Suddenly, the whole castle was surrounded by a great steel cage, impossible to break through.

Brakken: Ohhh, delightful! I wonder if it works on the mailman. Bills, bills, bills, that's all I ever get!

Kends: Ahem, can we just get on with it, please?

Brakken: Do you mind? We're having a conversation here!

Selego: We wouldn't be having this conversation, if SOMEONE would just stop whining about his non-existing intruder alarm!

Brakken: (whining) But they sound so nice at night when they go beep-beep-beep and what-not at night, it's like a sweet lullaby to my ears!

Kends (crossing her arms) Guys...?

Selego: And I said we're just without all that garbage!

Kick: (scream) AHHHH! FOR BISCUITS SAKE, SHUT UP!

Kick snatched the kemmunicator from Kends, pointed it at Brakken and Selego and pressed the button, which made them disappear just like the guard.

Kends: Kick, why did you have to go and do that, we almost had them!?

Kick: I'm sorry, I just couldn't take anymore. So, where do you think they disappeared to?

Kends: I don't know but wherever they are, it's safer for them, because the next time I see them I'm gonna bring them down for good! (Cleansing her fists)

Kick: Sounds good. That reminds me, I have to go to the little boys room...at home...where no one thinks to look for me. See you later!

Kends: Uhh...ok. Later!

"I know that Kick is planning to buy me a gift for our anniversary, but I didn't want to spoil it" Kends thought. "What Kends doesn't know is that I'm planning the best gift for our anniversary" thought Kick. "But I have no idea what she would like, I'd better get advice. I should've just stayed in bed."

Meanwhile, in Japan, the guard were playing a round of Sudoku against himself, when suddenly Dr. Brakken and Selego appeared out of nowhere.

Drakken: CURSE YOU, KENDS POSSIBLE AND SIDEKICK WHOSE NAME I DON'T REMEMBER!

Guard: Konichiwa, Dr. B and Selego. Could you help me with my task? My master says that if I fail I'll never make it into his dojo, whatever that is.

Brakken: Ehh, go jump down a lake!


	2. Chapter 1

The school bell rang in the small town of Middlebrook. Kends remembered that she had cheerleader class at this hour. She rushed through the hallway wearing her red, yellow and white cheerleader outfit, but the hallway was newly mopped, so she slipped off her feet and tried to keep control with her hands, but eventually she fell and landed on her butt, sliding in though the gym doors. All of her team mates laughed at her.

Girl 1: Nice going, Kends, did you work on that all weekend?

Kends: Gee, I don't know, Kelly, did you get yourself a brain so you could come up with that insult?

Girl 2: Girls, girls, we're all adults here, there's no need for violence!

Kends/Kelly: She started it!

Girl 2: It doesn't matter! Kends, do you remember your moves?

Kends: I do, Lisa. Let's just hope that Kelly remember hers!

Lisa: Alright, ready girls? And 5-6-7-8...

Lisa, Kelly and the other girls jumped on top of each other to form a circle, ready for Kends to jump through it. She took a big step backwards and took a deep breath. Then she jumped through the deformed circle and onto a convinienty placed trampoline. The other girls watched speechlessly as she bounched off the trampoline and back and forth through the circle, doing a couple of back flips now and then until she landed safely back where she started from.

Kends: And that is how it is done! Good luck topping that performance, Kel!

Meanwhile, Dr. Brakken and Selego were at the AJACK Supple factory trying to deal with the owner in order to take control of all the gold.

Drakken: Alright, Selego, you let me do the talking!

Selego: Whatever...

Owner: Good day, kind sir and madame! You were interested in something in particular?

Drakken: Yes, we're here to steal your factory-OOOF!

Selego silenced Brakken by elbowing him in the stomach.

Selego: What he means is that we're here to "buy some gold" from your factory!

Owner: Oooh, excellent! Always a pleasure meeting new customers, kindly step into my office and we'll talk business!

Brakken: (moaning) Excellent!

Owner: Are you feeling alright, sir?

Brakken: It's just my asthma problem, it comes and goes.

Owner: Very well. Now, how would you like to pay for your gold? Cash, credit, traveller cheques?

Selego: Hmm, how about a fourth option and we just take it because we are the bad guys?

Owner: I'm afraid that's not in our policy.

Selego: That's because we just arranged it! (Lights her fist) Get it?

Owner: Ohhh, in that case, feel free to take whatever you want!

Selego: We'll take over this factory from now on, little man. Consider yourself workless!

Owner: Y-y-yes ma'am...

Brakken: Nicely done, Selego! Although, my version of the plan was fool proof.

Selego: Whatever, doc.

Brakken: By the way, do you still have those little dancing flowers like in the early 90's?

Owner: Only two left.

Brakken: Wrap them up for me, they would look great in the lab! And I'll have three lemon squares and a Cheetah Chug as well, please!

Owner: No problem, you want gold wrapping with that?

Brakken: Ooooh, shiny!

Back in Middlebrook High, Kends were from returning cheerleader class, when she bumped into her best friend Julique.

Kends: Julique! What's up?

Julique: O-M-G, you are not gonna believe what just happened to me, Kends!

Kends: You got rejected a hundred times by the same guy you've been dating for a year?

Julique: I've been promoted to assistant chief night guard at Club Bandana!

Kends: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I have no idea what a assistant chief night guard is, but oh my god, I'm so happy for you!

Julique: You said it, girl!

Kends/Julique: (screams of joy)

Kends opened her locker with her computer inside, operated by Gwade.

Gwade: Am I interrupting something?

Kends: Not at all, Gwade, what've you got?

Gwade: I just recieved an e-mail that Brakken and Selego have taken over the AJACK Supple factory!

Kends: That's the fifth time this year! Alright, I'm on my way!

Later, Kends and Kick were flying in a biplane which they charted from an old friend.

Kends: Thanks for the ride, Mr. Rickle!

Rickle: Think nothing of it, miss Possible! I would have drowned in molten lava if it weren't for you!

Kends: Anyone with two galons of popcorn, butter and salt could have done it!

Kick: I wish you could have warned me before we jumped in there! Whew, that lava was HOT!


	3. Chapter 2

As Kends and Kick arrived at the scene of the crime, the saw the owner being tied up in his office. They slammed the door in and untied him.

Owner: Miss Possible, thank god you're here, I've been robbed!

Kends: So I've heard. What did they take?

Owner: Actually, they stole the whole thing.

Kick: The HOLE thing? As in a black hole?

Kends: I think he means the whole thing as in the whole factory, Kick.

Owner: Yes, that's right.

Kends: Can you describe them?

Owner: It was a man and a woman.

Kends: A little more specific, please?

Owner: It was a blue man with a scar on his face.

Kends: Brakken!

Owner: And a green woman with flaming fists.

Kick: Selego! Also, I'd like to buy a couple of those happy dancing flowers.

Owner: They took the last two of them as well. (breaks down and cries)

Kick: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kends: Don't worry, guys, we'll have the caught in no-time! Gwade, I'll send you a sample from the crime scene.

Kends picked up a crumb from one of the lemon squares that Brakken dropped on the ground and put it into the kemmunicator's scanner. Gwade inspected it closely.

Gwade: Hmmmm! Hmm-hmmmm! Hmmmmm!

Kends: What does "Hmmm-hmmmm!" mean, hmmm?

Gwade: Don't ask me, I saw it being done on tv once! That's odd, according to the radar, Brakken and Selego are located just a few feet from you.

Just then, Dr. Brakken approached the office door at the same time as Kends opened the door. Opening outwards, the door flew right in Brakken's face.

Brakken: By dose!

Kends: Brakken!

Brakken: Keds Possible! Selego, get de beddling cheerleader, but first, get be a tissue for by dose!

Kends: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Is it broken?

Brakken: Don't touch be! Yes, I believe it is broked!

Kends: Oh my god!

Kick: Well, I guess that's one way to do it.

Selego: Here's a tissue, doc.

Dr. Brakken stuffed the tissue up his nose, but instead of feeling sorry for him, Kends, Kick and Selego couldn't help but laughing out loud.

Brakken: WHAT!?

Kends: (cracking up) I-I'm sorry, It's just that...(giggle)...you look so silly!

Kick: (giggle) Yeah, you should join a freak show...as a human tomato!

Brakken: OK, DAT'S IT! SELEGO!

Finally, Kends and Selego started to battle it out. Selego lit up her fists as Kends did a backwards flip onto the owner's car.

Kick: Way to go, KP, show her who's boss!

Brakken: I'b sorry, what was your nabe again?

Kick: My what?

Brakken: Your nabe!

Kick: What's a nabe?

Brakken: GAAAAHHH! I bean, what does people call you!?

Kick: Ooooohhhhhhh! My NAME, why didn't you just say so? It's Kick! Kick Stoppable!

Brakken: I always thought your nabe was Earl. But never mind dat! Selego, how hard can it be to get rid a simple schoolgirl!?

Selego: Trying my best, doc, she's stronger than she looks!

Kends: Had enough yet?

Suddenly, the teleporting device fell out of Kends' pocket and Selego picked it up.

Selego: Hello, hello, hello! What have we here?

Kends: Oh, crud.

Kick: Coming, KP!

Selego: Heads up, Dr. B!

She threw the remote to Brakken. "Sbart bove, Selego! Goodbye, Keds Possible and...um...you dow your dame!" he said, pointed the edge of it at Kends and Kick, making them disappear.

Brakken: We did it, Selego! High-five!

Selego high-five'd him, but she forgot to turn off her flaming fists, making Brakken scream "YOUCH!".

Brakken: Careful wid dat, will you! Now I'll need some chicked soup AND a ice bucket for by hand.


	4. Chapter 3

Kends and Kick appeared out of thin air in Tokyo. Kends grabbed on to a signpost using her grapple hook and slid her way down to the ground, while Kick simply fell, hitting the ground.

Kick: I'm alive!

Kends: (the rope connecting the hook to the gun snapped off) Whoops!

Kends fell on top of Kick with a sudden "oof!".

Kends: Oh my, that was close! Lucky this matress was here. Wait a minute...!

Kick: Kends, would you move, please?

Kends: (quickly stands up) Oopsie, sorry!

Kick: Lucky you're not so heavy or that would've really hurt!

Kends tried to reach for her kemmunicator, but it was nowhere to be found.

Kends: Hey, Gwa...kemmunicator? Ha ha, very funny, Kick! Give me the kemmunicator.

Kick: I haven't got it! See? (Emptying his pockets)

Kends: Then where is it? Oh crud, we must have left it with Selego and Brakken!

Kick: You got a dime? I'm gonna try calling Gwade from this here phone booth!

Kends flipped Kick a dime, which he used to call Gwade from the phone booth. After a few rings, he finally picked up.

Gwade: (yawning) H-hello?

Kick: Gwade, we need your help! We lost the kemmunicator!

Gwade: (yawning) And for that, you woke me in the middle of dawn?

Kick: It's kind of an emergency! (Gives the phone to Kends)

Kends: Sorry for waking you, Gwade, but we left the kemmunicator with Brakken and Selego. We'll try to get it back!

Gwade: Ok, I'll just go back to sleep now.

Suddenly, Kick got poked in the back, and he turned around to see Yori.

Yori: Stoppable-san?

Kick: Yori!? What are you doing here?

Yori: The Bloatus Blade have yet again been stolen by Monkey Twist. We need your help to return it!

Kick: This isn't about that time I got bullied in kindergarten, is it? Because if it is, I'd have to give them their money back. And that was some big money!

Yori: (giggle) Oh, Stoppable-san, you continue to amuse me!

Kends: Um, have I missed something?

Kick: Yori, this is my...uh..."housekeeper" Kendall.

Kends: WHAT!? (Kick begs her to play along)

Yori: Really?

Kendall: (clears throat) Yes, I'm his "housekeeper"! Is there anything else I can do for you, young master Stoppable?

Kick: No thanks, I'm good! (whispering) Sorry, KP, but I don't want to let her know that you and I are a couple.

Kends: (whispering) Understandable. Just don't expect me to fluff your pillow!

Meanwhile, Dr. Brakken and Selego had finished taking over the AJACK Supple factory and was welcoming all the villains to join the party.

Brakken: Hahahaaa, isn't dis great, Selego? Usig de supple factory, sood de world will belog to be! And Keds Possible can't do anythig about it!

Selego: Dr. B, do you really expect anyone to take you seriously with that nose?

Brakken: Why bust you always brig be dowd? Dere's nothig wrong with be!

Selego: If you say so, doc!

Brakken walked up to the other villains, who were enjoying the party.

Brakken: How's everyting holding up for you?

Ruff: Aye! 'Tis a great party!

DiPazzi Knights: Exceltior!

DNArelli: You got it going on, blue boy... (winks at Brakken)

Brakken: (looks disgusted) Yeah sure, whadever! (Turns to Selego and whispers) Dese were de best you could find!? I HATE dese guys!

Selego: (whispers) Hey doc, it's either them or your mother, who would you choose?

Brakken: (whispers) Good point.

Brakken stood up and spoke.

Brakken: Everyode, dank you all for comig out to de opedig of DE BIGGEST TIEVERY OF BY LIBE! BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Ruff: Ey? What did he say?

DiPazzi Knight 1: I think he said he wanted to spank us with a moped!

DiPazzi Knight 2: No no no, he wants a blank who altour clobbing obediate debbing by light!

DNArelli: What in the world does that mean?

DiPazzi Knight 2: I have no idea, but it must be something incredibly evil.

Brakken: Do, dat's not what I said, I said-

DiPazzi Knight 1: I've got it now, he wants a rank two afro! And it just so happens that I bought it for him, happy birthday, Brakken! Now, where's the cake?

Brakken: It's dot by-oooh, dis will bake be shide on de dancefloor dis weeked, how do I look, Selego? It'll bake me a hit wid de ladies, for sure, Yeah Brakked!

Selego: Dr. B, I think you're forgetting something!

Brakken: Oh yeah, we can't habe a birthday party witout cake, so rud along dowd to de bakery, it's ad order!

Selego: (facepalm) Ugh, fine...

DiPazzi Knight 1: LIMBO!


	5. Chapter 4

Back in Tokyo, Kends, Kick and Yori reached the Tamagotchi school.

Yori: As you can see, The Tamagotchi school really needs your help, Stoppable-san.

Kick: I don't know, it looks like everything is in order. What about that guy over there? He can save your school!

He pointed at a random guy dressed as a student, who was carrying a bunch of equipment.

Random guy: Phew, it took me 72 hours, but I've finally collected all the equipment needed for my dojo trip!

Suddenly, a big bird appeared from the sky, grabbed the equipment, flew away with it and released it over a waterfall. The student, dumb as he was, chased after the bird and dove down the edge of the waterfall after the stuff, shouting "AW, COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!".

Kick: ...Or maybe not.

They kept watching as he fell deeper and deeper down the waterfall, hitting all the rocks on the way. Eventually, he hit the bottom and screamed "I'M ALIVE!", but right then, an even bigger rock fell down and crushed him.

Kends/Kick/Yuri: OOOOOHH!

Kends: That had to hurt!

Suddenly, Kends felt a poke in her back. Startled, she quickly turned around in a battle stance.

Kends: Hey, no touchie! Who goes there!?

She was surprised by Julique's appearance.

Julique: Hey-hey-hey, slow it down, girl, you could poke someone's eye out!

Kends: Julique!? What are you doing here, I thought you were supposed to work?

Julique: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. They opened up a Club Bandana right here in Tokyo, so this is where I'll be working from now on!

Kends: Then we have to make the best of it while we're here. Come on, I know of a great shopping mall!

Julique: That sounds radical, but aren't you guys on a mission?

Kends: Well, I'm sure that "young, brave Stoppable-san" wouldn't mind going on this dangerous mission without me? After all I'm just his "housekeeper"!

Kick: Dangerous?

Yori: Of course, Stoppable-san, it wouldn't be a dangerous mission if it wasn't dangerous, would it?

Kick: That's not what I heard. You said it was a mission, nothing else!

Yori: I understand if you do not wish to help us, Stoppable-san-

Kick: Great! Then we'll just be on our way back, come on, KP!

Kends: Kick, how can you say that!? These people need help, and we didn't come all this way for nothing!

Kick: Actually, we were teleported here by Brakken and Selego, remember?

Kends: Oh, that's right! Well, if you don't want to, you don't have to, but it's a long walk back to Middlebrook!

Kick: Oh, so you don't think I dare, is that so?

Kends: I didn't say that! But I don't think this is a job for a scaredy cat and his housekeeper-

Kick: THAT'S IT! I AM NOT A SCAREDY CAT AND YOU'RE NOT MY HOUSEKEEPER, YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND, AND-(covers his mouth) Whoops!

Kends: (turns to Julique satisfyingly) Told you I'd get him to confess.

Kick: Aw biscuits! Yori, I'm so sorry!

Yori: Stoppable-san, why are you apologizing? It was a great honor for me when I was told that you and Possible-kun are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Kick: Possible-kun? (giggles in hand) Wait what, you knew about this all along?

Yori: Of course! News spread around quickly these days.

Kends: Glad we got that out of our hands. So whatcha say we go twist some monkey's butt?

Kick: Sounds good to me!

Julique: Me too!

Yori: It would be a great honor for me to join you.

Kends: Sure, the more the merrier! And Yori, please don't call me Possible-kun! Are you coming, Kick?

Kick: Right there, I'm just gonna throw away some of the stuff I don't need!

He reached down his backpack and found a bunch of useless junk, but nothing worth thowing away. Suddenly, something sharp pinched his finger.

Kick: OWW! What the-, how did a crab get in here? Go away, crab!

He managed to shake the crab loose from his finger, and it bounced in the direction of the waterfall. Meanwhile, the student had finally almost managed to get up to safe ground, but just as he tried to pull himself up, the crab came rolling right in his face and in his panic he let go of the edge, making him fall right back down to the bottom again while screaming "AW COME ON NOT AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"

Kick: (shrug) Huh, looks like I don't need to throw anything away after all. Oh well, at least no one got hurt!


End file.
